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  • Writer's pictureKate Warren

*Double Episode* - Cyber Safety & Are you a Thinker or Feeler?

Welcome back to the Stay U Blog! I'm Kate, the Counsellor and career coach at Stay U, and this month I will be giving you a double blog - firstly, continuing from last month's topic, I will be discussing Cyber Safety with a particular focus on Dating Apps. Then, I will be moving on to a new topic, which is also the focus of my latest Instagram posts - whether you are a Thinker or a Feeler and how that impacts your everyday life. Let's begin...


Cyber Safety


Although dating apps and websites have been around since the mid-1990s, a lot of people still feel that online dating is an unconventional way to meet a future partner. Seeking friends or lovers in this way - or not "face-to-face", which most feel is the "normal" way to do it - has been around since the invention of the newspaper in the 1700s. "Lonely Heart" columns or classified ads were a way to meet people outside of your friend circle or local neighbourhood.


Safety when dating in person could involve going on a double date or asking a friend to call you 10 minutes into the date to make sure you're okay. However, when online, we are often alone and sometimes let our guard down because we believe that we are safer. We are also more likely to hide our decision to try online dating from our friends, as it has a stigma attached to it - that we are desperate or can't meet anyone in real life.


When using dating apps or websites, it is important to take precautions to ensure your safety. Some tips for staying safe while online dating include:

  • Protecting your personal information - name, address, mobile number, etc.

  • Using a different name for your profile

  • Avoiding falling victim to a "fake" person (see "Catfishing" below)

  • Cross-checking a match’s photos (on other social media sites like Facebook and Instagram)

  • Talking to the person for a long time before meeting up in person

When you do decide to meet someone that you've met online in person, it is also important to meet in a public place such as a shopping centre, a popular café or restaurant, or at a social event. If the other person changes the meeting place at the last minute to somewhere you don’t know, cancel the date and try again another time. Always tell someone else - a friend or family member - where you are going and who you are meeting.


 

Catfishing is when someone pretends to be someone they’re not by using social media to create a false identity, usually to defraud or scam someone else. The practice may be used for financial gain, to compromise a victim in some way, as a way to intentionally upset a victim, or for wish fulfilment. Catfishers often make up fake backgrounds, jobs or friends so that they appear as someone else. It is important to be aware of the signs of catfishing and how to tell if someone is catfishing you. Some signs of catfishing include the person refusing to video chat or meet in person, the person asking for money or gifts, and the person having inconsistencies in their story.

 

Online dating can be a fun and exciting way to meet new people - just be sure to do it safely.


Are you a Thinker or a Feeler?


Moving on to our second topic for this Blog, let's talk about Thinker versus Feeler personality traits and how it affects your everyday life, and especially your communication and connection with others.


It probably sounds like a survey you take online or in a magazine, but recognising this personality trait in yourself can help you with problem-solving and decision-making and may also explain why you do things a "different" way to your friends or family.


Thinkers use objective, logic-based criteria and are ruled by the head.

When faced with a decision or choice, the Thinker automatically focuses on facts and applies logic to the situation.


They subconsciously notice work and tasks that need to be done.


Thinkers find it easy to provide an objective analysis of any situation. They are guided by rational reasoning.


They view conflict as a natural and normal part of relationships. It doesn't mean that something is wrong or that the relationship is going to fall apart.




Feelers use subjective, emotion-based criteria and are ruled by the heart.


When faced with a decision or choice, Feelers are guided by their gut reactions, and listen to their feelings and immediate response. They're especially concerned about hurting others or making life more difficult for them.


They intuitively pick up on people's feelings and reactions, and they notice body language and non-verbal cues.


In reaching decisions, Feelers want to hear others' opinions, and they seek a consensus or fair compromise.


They are distressed by conflict and dislike when people argue. Their ultimate goal is peace and harmony.



Relationships between Thinkers and Feelers are often well-balanced. Between them, these two personality types bring the right combination of logical thinking and emotional thinking to the table.


Sometimes, though, it can be challenging to communicate certain ideas or to bridge the gap between the two different approaches to work or learning settings. Here are a few ways for Thinkers to understand the needs of the Feelers in their lives, so they can quickly resolve conflict and achieve long-lasting compromise, collaboration and happiness.


There is no right or wrong way to be a thinker or a feeler. However, it is important to understand how your personality type affects your life so that you can make the most of your strengths and work on your weaknesses. For example, if you are a thinker, you may be good at problem-solving but struggle with expressing your emotions. If you are a feeler, you may be good at empathizing with others but struggle with making tough decisions.


Other aspects that may need a bit of work include:


Feelers

  • Don't take things too personally, especially when it comes to feedback from others

  • Feelers tend to be more introverted, so working on your assertiveness and self-esteem is important

  • Learn how to say "no". Feelers can take on too much and have a tendency to get overwhelmed and burnt out.

Thinkers

  • Thinkers can get frustrated or annoyed when rushed or put on the spot, so work on your time management skills and ability to work with others

  • As you can be less emotional and a little blunt or inflexible, be careful with your tone when speaking to others - especially Feelers

  • You are logical and analytic, therefore quite skeptical, so work on listening and accepting others' opinions and ideas.

 

That is all for this Blog. Thank you for stopping by!


I hope you have enjoyed it and have learnt more about yourself and others. Coming up in our August Blog, I will be talking about Celebrities Who are working toward Breaking the Stigma of Mental Health. Let's all work together to make sure that mental health is something we all talk about without fear of judgement or discrimination! Until then, please take care of yourself, and remember: A problem shared is a problem halved.

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